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Posts Tagged ‘introspection’

I have been away my dashboard for a while.. I just needed time to think and to examine my mind about things such as,, what I really want, what I really need, and what will truly makes me happy. I always come to this point in my life where I evaluate where and what I am. So far I am happy but scared and empty. I’m also a little bit confused but I already made plans. And now I am back to being me – the girl who knows what she wants.

By the way my win a domain contest ends and I will announce the result on February 3, 2010. I would like to thank all the participants and my friends/loved ones who helped me. Have a nice day guys

I was born and raised in a protestant – methodist family and it is normal for me to pray every night, we don’t gamble, smoke nor drink, cursing or saying bad stuffs is prohibited in our house and we go to church every sunday. When i was a kid i still remembered how i was left in sunday school and i was there singing worship songs and reading stories from the bible. I was in 2nd year college and i was high not with drugs but with God. Such euphoria that even myself can’t imagine how i look up in life that way before. Yes, I said before. Too much familiarity with those stuffs in the long run bored me and then i suddenly questioned everything that i normally do.

I ran away from God. I did whatever that pleased me. Even though i’m living my life loud, i still felt unfree, insecure and empty and to my confusion i asked for signs. Yet no signs appeared. I told God to give me somebody that could help me. Yet nobody came. I searched for my purpose in life, and for my calling. I realized i am a fake christian. I just claim it but i’m not “walking the talk”. I felt ashamed.

Just now i got a revelation from God. Why did i asked for signs or someone whereas i could ask for God Himself. Nobody could save me, no signs could give me security and even i cannot help myself. Only God can. I can only find inner peace and authentic happiness in God. My security before was just based on something that can be taken away from me that is why i am in a false edge of security. Coming back to God gives me a no guilt life, i don’t even fear in death. For Jesus commands my destiny. You can live a life like that to and you don’t have to look elsewhere. You just have to pray and open your heart to Him.